Earlier this summer we were commenting on favorite Dominants in the movies. I think JaneMarieDee started it but we all ended up on Sir J’s blog nominating our favorite Dominant movie men and killing our credibility as movie critics. There were a number of candidates although I believe we reached consensus on the uber-Dominant status of Captain Von Trapp from The Sound of Music.
Earlier this week, Sir Anneal commented on the post, The Furies and The Furious saying in part;
“For some reason, Glass, and safety Glass came to mind when reading this post.
Dom’s (bad and good) came to mind. Some break and fall when hit with a challenge..spilling in a shattered mess as their weakness is exposed. The harder they try…the (you know?)
Some break into pieces…exposing many cleavage planes…but hold together..keeping those intended to be safe from the shards. Safety glass.
An observant submissive can see through both…but which should she choose to keep her safe?”
This brought to mind a long delayed post on one of my favorite movie dominants, Faramir of The Lord of The Rings Trilogy.
My terribly jaded view of the fantastic and fantastical way so many women view Dominant’s is based in part on my understanding of strong women and stronger men. We spend so much time discussing submitting, obeying and the depth of our submission that it seems there is a wholesale departure from self-awareness, self-respect and good common sense. Then again, it could just be the characteristics I appreciate in women.
Firstly, let me introduce many of you to Faramir. Our beloved Captain Von Trapp and Faramir both live through very trying times including war.
Faramir is the second son of the Steward of Gondor. Essentially he is the equivalent of a prince and a General in the military. These exerpts describing Faramir are taken from wikipedia:
He read the hearts of men as shrewdly as his father, but what he read moved him sooner to pity than to scorn. He was gentle in bearing, and a lover of lore and of music, and therefore by many in those days his courage was judged less than his brother’s. But it was not so, except that he did not seek glory in danger without a purpose. Here was one with an air of high nobility touched with the wisdom and sadness of the Elder Race. He was a captain that men would follow, even under the shadow of the black wings.
The young woman he would eventually marry was the equivalent of a princess from the neighboring allied country. These excerpts are also taken from wikipedia.
Éowyn, a daughter of the House of Eorl and the niece of King Theoden. A shieldmaiden by description, she was a woman who’d chosen to fight as a warrior during this time of war. Though not a ‘dry nurse’ in temper, she was also not really a soldier or ‘Amazon’, but like many brave women was capable of great military gallantry at a crisis.
Both Faramir and Eowyn were severely injured during this war. While recuperating in the Houses of Healing, she met Faramir, with whom she soon fell in love, understanding that her previous “love” for another was mainly hero-worship. Her outlook on life also changes:
“Then the heart of Éowyn changed, or else she understood it… …’I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor vie with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren.’
My background lends itself more towards being ever vigilant and watchful. Self-protecting is second nature to me. (Thank you Mouse). Moreover this characteristic survives, even in this lifestyle, which is chock-full of women attempting to abandon all responsibility for themselves. Those I admire the most seem competent and their submission, even obedience, is a conscious act not an unconscious foray into escapism.
If you consider Sir Anneal’s analogy of Dominants and safety glass you understand that submissive women in this day and age are responsible for requiring that their Dominant partners rise to their greater selves not shrink into narrow caricatures of the mentally atrophied.
Submissives of worth do not, cannot accept as Dominants men who will shatter and break in the face of the challenges of life. That takes us to the fear factor and the knowledge we can self-protect but our submission requires that those layers are, over a period of time, peeled back and we are ever more open to the Dominants in our lives. We desire the opportunity to submit but our instincts, natural instincts require that we find a Dominant of Worth who will not shatter.
Life is tough, even when two people try to work from the same playbook. Strong, smart capable submissives women require stronger, smarter, capable Dominants to find the place of comfort that allows them to lower their armor.
Poppy recently made this comment, although I can easily hear it coming from Eowyn’s mouth. “I have found the man I do not need to pity. I do not need to make it easy for him to win. I do not need to lie to him or to say something to make it easier for both of us. I do not need to think for him. I just have to be honest and open.”
I know, it can seem as if I am pitiless when it comes to men. Perhaps, I have been told by friends, ex’s, my boss, that do not give the impression that I need help or support of any kind. I come across in real life as having it together. I have also been told that this either presents a challenge for some – who would like to enjoy that togetherness. I guess as a purported dominant who needs my cooperation to shore his own weak self-esteem or to be in a relationship that allows him to abdicate his responsibility to me.
The other comment I get is that there are other women who are easier. Who don’t give the appearance of having it together. I have expectations. Not that I discuss them openly, but I guess it just seeps out of my pores. I have expectations of myself, personal requirements of me. I do not announce what I expect from men. I have found if you reveal your hand, the dishonest will play to your cards. I would rather wait to see the cards in their hand — it is all that really matters after all. But I guess, if I were willing to expose my hand earlier, or if I moaned about circumstances I would seem to be less in control, to not have it together at all. And then, I would not be entitled to a Dominant of Worth. Like many women who don’t have it together, I would be easier to deal with because my expectations, what I am entitled to would correspondingly be lower.
I am a woman of worth. Yes, I have shatters in my glass but it has not failed. I hope to meet a Dominant of Worth, who will also at this time of life have shatters in his glass from surviving this world but his integrity and his moral compass will have remained intact. My armor lowers not because he is male or he is a self-described dominant but because he has proven himself on the field of battle to be more than capable of taking care of me and mine.
Yes, I have my softer-side, my romantic side but she is not available for the unproven or unworthy. The part of me that long for that man,,,she waits,,,observing from the shadows. This clip says it better than my words. Enjoy Faramir and Eowyn.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm1NLzzwewY
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