i have decided to write about my journey from being 100% vanilla and having no idea that i was submissive to what i am now: very aware of my place, and feeling at home there, and embracing my new found title.
This story will be posted a little at a time, as it is way too much to post all at once. This is Part I of my story:
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Master found me through an adult swingers website. He emailed me and asked me if i would like to come to Colorado for a weekend of debauchery. i replied that i would, but that it wouldn’t be possibly until at least July. He replied favorably, and asked if i would like to chat with Him until then.
i gave Him my IM username and He immediately contacted me. He was very aggressive, more so than most other people who chatted with me. He asked me what i was into sexually, and if i had ever experimented with BDSM and how much i knew about it. i replied that i really did not know much about it at all, and He explained that He and His wife had a Master/slave relationship, so He was very Dominant. i knew what “Dominant” meant in the every day sense, but i did not know what it meant in the BDSM sense, although i had a pretty good idea of the dynamic involved. He explained that He had a crying fetish and asked me if i would cry for Him. i was slightly taken back by His boldness and aggressiveness straight out of the gate like that, but answered honestly. Although i knew that someone fucking my face would cause my eyes to water and mascara to run, i wasn’t terribly sure that i would or could TRULY cry, as i rarely cry from anything. He stated that my answer made Him hard as a rock, and He then began digging deeper into my sexual past.
He asked me to tell Him about my craziest sexual experiences. i felt rather shy, because although i did not know much at all about BDSM, i had been to clubs and seen the scenes and knew that if that was what He was into, that my stories would severely pale in comparison. But nevertheless, i told Him about a couple of my past experiences.
As we chatted, i got online and Googled “Master and slave BDSM” and started reading up on the whole dynamic of the relationship. i was mesmerized by what i read. Apparently it was very formal, and from what i read, extremely emotional. The first web site i read from stated that it was even more intense and contractual than a marriage, with almost all Master/slave relationships literally writing up a contract and signing it and having it notarized. There were rules, and boundaries, and very strict guidelines. There were also apparently many different levels that people took it to. Some Masters required that their slaves dress a certain way, sit a certain way, speak a certain way, etc. my mind was going off in a thousand different directions, wondering what they were like and how many of these types of rules she had to abide by. my interest in her immediately peaked. i knew that i was attracted to her physically just from her photos, but suddenly i had this overwhelming urge to talk to her, get to know her, and pick her brain.
Our chatting slowly progressed and each day i became more and more interested in the D/s lifestyle. i read all about submissives, and the many different levels that there were. i was curious as to how the roles of submissives and slaves differentiated, and a particular website was EXTREMELY Helpful. (http://www.steel-door.com/Submissive_vs_Slave.html) i wondered what it was like to be a submissive, but my interest in the entire idea for me was not much more than just intense curiosity.
Yet there was something nagging at me. From the very first conversation with Him, my desire to please Him, follow His directions, and be completely and 100% honest with Him was so strong that i simply could not shake it. He immediately had a very firm demeanor about Him, and although i had never even Heard His voice, i felt this incredible drive to be open to Him, which is something that i NEVER do with anyone. i am very secretive, and i hold a LOT back from people.
One evening while i was out with a friend, He demanded a picture from me, telling me to take a picture of me sticking my finger into my pussy. His directions were very firm and explicit, and left no room for misunderstanding. i was currently unable to do so, but rather than explain the embarrassing reason why i could not take that particular picture, for a split second i considered sending an old one that i already had in my phone. But i couldn’t bring myself to do it. The fear of Him somehow knowing that it was an old picture was overwhelming for me, and i quickly discarded the idea. i shyly explained to Him why i could not take the picture that He requested, and He gave me an alternate request. i was relieved and immediately felt grateful that i had not only avoided misleading Him, but that He had been gracious enough to give me an alternate request, one which i could easily fulfill.
i did not at all understand what was happening to me. i had dated many, many men, even fairly dominant men, but never had i felt such an intense fear of disappointing anyone. i, for the most part, had always taken the attitude of “whatever, he’ll get over it” and never cared if someone was disappointed in me or not. At least not to this extent. There were a select few men that I had dated that had complete control over me, but none of them had been so tender at it. There was something about Him that was so powerful, so loving, yet so completely paralyzing, and it scared the shit out of me. But it also intrigued me. I just had to find out more, who this man was and why He had such control over me.
His requests and demands slowly became more frequent and more complex, little by little. One evening while i was out with friends He stated that He wanted to see me on the webcam later that evening. Although i was hesitant to do so, i just couldn’t bring myself to say no to Him. When i got home, i nervously logged onto my IM to connect with Him. my Heart raced as we chatted, and i anxiously awaited His request for me to go “live.” It came, and my hands shook as i reached up and hit the webcam icon on my computer. i had made sure to keep on the dress that i had worn that day, as it was flattering to me and i wanted to be pretty for Him. i also kept the flower in my hair for Him as well.
He was pleased with my appearance and seemed happy to finally see me in person. He gave me a few orders, to stand up, to wave, things like that. After a few moments, He ordered me to go get my largest sex toy. i stated that it did not have batteries, but He said that i did not need batteries. i was so nervous that i felt lightheaded as i got up and walked over to my drawer of toys and retrieved the largest one i had. He asked me to show it to Him and i obeyed. He then asked me to pretend that it was His cock and to show Him how i would suck His cock and again i obeyed. i felt a little silly, but i did exactly what He asked without hesitation or question. He said that i was a good girl and pleasure flooded my body.
He then told me that there were 3 rules. 1) He would give me instructions and i would follow them without question or hesitation. 2) If for some reason i couldn’t follow one of His instructions i would need to explain why and He would come up with a suitable alternative for me. 3) i was to answer everything He said with “Yes Sir.”
I answered “Yes Sir” and He replied “good girl” which again flooded me with happiness. He began to give me explicit instructions. i undressed for Him, step by step, and did a few things as He asked. He then instructed me to lie on my back and face the camera towards my face and not my body. This was entirely new to me. i had performed on cam for men before, but never had i been asked to point the camera to my face when it came time for the naughty stuff. Usually i was asked to position the cam between my legs with a full view of my pussy for the viewer to see. But not this time. Master wanted to see my face, which flooded me with extreme anxiety. i was confused by this, wondering why He wanted to see my face and what He was going to tell me to do, but also worrying that He would not be pleased with the faces that i made and lose interest in me. Again, my desire to please Him and satisfy Him and have Him want me was overwhelming, more so than ever before.
I lied back onto the bed and positioned the camera towards my face and awaited His instruction. i always replied to His commands with “Yes Sir” and He always responded to my obedience with “good girl,” each time flooding me with relief and incredible satisfaction.
But once again, Master had a surprise for me. Just when i thought i knew what was going to happen, He instructed me to cover my entire nose and mouth and cut off my entire air supply. Without Hesitation, i did as i was told. He then instructed me to fuck myself as hard as i could and i obediently did so. i watched my face in the cam image on my screen and was drawn to it, and watched intently as the fear crept in behind my wide open eyes as i began to struggle for air. i desperately watched the IM window for His permission to breathe. It came and i removed my hand and gasped for air. He then instructed me to do it again. Again, i obeyed, and this time He waited even longer to let me breathe. i was squirming underneath my own hand and could tell that i was close to cumming. i felt light Headed and my entire body was tingling. He then instructed me to do it again, but this time i was not allowed to breathe until He came. It seemed like years that my breath was withheld, and i felt my orgasm start from the pit of my stomach and shoot down to my clit in one fast, powerful wave. i kept fucking myself despite the fact that i had already cum and waited for Him to tell me that i could breathe. Just when i thought i was getting close to passing out, He instructed me to breathe. i gasped deeply and coughed as the air suddenly filled my empty lungs. He type out “good girl” and i felt euphoric. i smiled, knowing that i had pleased Him, and especially that He had cum. After that, we chatted a little more and i even got the chance to chat with L while He gave me instructions as to what to do for her on cam. i was filled with a sense of peace and accomplishment, and as i ended my conversation with Him/them, i thought about how unusual it was for me to care so much about pleasing someone.
It truly baffled me. Of course, i always loved pleasing people, but never did doing so seem so urgent and important to me. i didn’t understand it, but i could feel myself becoming fascinated with it to the point that i wanted to explore it more and even deeper than i already was. Suddenly flying to Colorado to see them did not seem so crazy. It seemed right. And fair. And even though i had no idea why, i knew that a trip out there was imminent.
His instructions for me became even more regularly now, almost on a daily basis He had a request for me. In the meantime, i shared my webcam experience with a few friends, who were just as amazed as i was that someone 600 miles away could have complete control over me like that without even being present.
Then it came. He asked me to not have sex until I came to see Him. This hit me like a brick into the chest. my sexual freedom is VERY important to me. That’s the whole reason i joined the site He found me on. i stared at the IM window for a few long moments thinking about my answer. Again, i couldn’t bring myself to say no. i certainly did not want to abstain, especially since i did not know when i would actually see Him, but slowly and deliberately, i typed out that i agreed to abstain until i met Him.
Part II to follow….
xoxoxo
sunshine
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