Hello World

It’s nice to be back writing again after being away for a year, I didn’t realize how much I would miss having an outlet for sharing some of the most intimate, secret details of my life all while meeting like-minded and interesting people. 

I had a blog called Blood, Sweat, Tears a couple of years ago but shut it down when I had a bipolar episode – yes, I’m bipolar so that’s just one more thing to make life fun around here.  :)  Then I had a blog that even I don’t remember the name of  and one called Ariel’s Dollhouse so yeah, I’ve had a few blogs before this one.  I decided to go back to the first, back to my roots as it were and recreate Blood Sweat Tears because I’ve figured out what’s important to me and I’m in a good place to start writing again.  Blood Sweat Tears as a title is a metaphor, yes it means the literal blood, sweat and tears of our BDSM lifestyle but it’s also about life, love and marriage because none of it is easy or fun all the time.

It’s been a couple of days since we’ve reentered the world of being Master/slave or at least officially calling it that anyway.  Servitude is just in my nature, I can’t help but take care of those around me.  I was raised by my grandparents and they were your traditional 50’s era style of marriage.  My grandfather was a strong leader, he was the head of the family and my grandmother deferred to him for everything.  He was a carpenter by trade and she would even clean and arrange his tools – seriously.  My Daddy is strong like my grandfather and he reminds me of him in a lot of ways (my grandfather passed away a few years ago) so I’m just grateful to have Daddy in my life.  My best friend Amanda is going through a messy, horrible divorce and her soon to be ex is just a real piece of shit, makes me realize how lucky I am, how lucky the ones of us who have the good ones are because not everyone is so fortunate.

We’ve played the last two nights in a row, kinky, rough stuff and since it’s been about a year – my pain tolerance is LOW!  When he struck my ass, back and thighs with his belt I just about came up off the bed because it hurt so damn much but at the same time I loved every second of it.  I got into my head space where I felt all drunk and high and after that, the pain he inflicted on me tingled my clit and I got so wet I was practically dripping.  Daddy didn’t fuck me though, instead he used the vibrator that was a gift from a client (another post sometime about that) and gave me one of the best orgasms of my life!  He sat there and opened up my pussy to watch it contract.  Then I sucked his cock and swallowed his load, haven’t been doing that either so eating cum is going to take some getting used to again.  Daddy makes a fist, pretends to fist me and I cringe.  I absolutely love the idea and can’t wait, but it’s been so long since we have that I’m nervous about it.

Ros

[Via http://bloodswettears.wordpress.com]

Women Together: Sexy Sets!

More sexy sets from our favorite naughty Flickr photographers!

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Four Flickr sets featuring women in love with women! Only Flickr members with safe search OFF will see most of the photos in these sets. Join Flickr free.

Noemi, by Ant777, two women in love…

Dana, by Mike Adams, A woman and her loving friend…

Sheziss | Cristi, by Jordi A. S. , high fashion girls…

Kacy & Krissy, by Melissarobinphoto, more ladies together…

Read all of VISIONS

[Via http://cliffmichaels.wordpress.com]

Need Help Writing

So, I’ve been hard at work these last couple of days, writing and writing and writing The Brighton Tales over at The Erotica of a Tortured Mind. I’ve made it to the end of Chapter 5, and now I’m unsure where to go. There’s so many characters who could potentially carry on in the story in a variety of different ways, and now I’m not sure who I want to write about. Any suggestions? You can e-mail me, comment here, comment there, leave a suggestion in the suggestion box on the left sidebar on The Erotica of a Tortured Mind, or anywhere else you can contact me (and there’s too many to list here!).

It’s been pretty exhilarating writing this whole thing. I didn’t even really mean to, it pretty much just started testing out Blogger in Draft. It’s the first time I’ve ever written a story without thinking it through ahead of time. I’m just kind of letting the story take me wherever it takes me.

Nothing kinky has happened around here lately. The Boyfriend’s got an extra day off this week, so the outlook for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday looks fun. He’s already got plans for using the bondage tape on me, and he keeps shaking his butt in front of me, and saying, “Wouldn’t you like to flog this?”. To which I quickly and excitedly reply, “Yes, please!!”

I see one of two things happening from the rather vanilla boyfriend (and I’m hoping that they don’t). Either:

1. He’s gonna seem bored, much like he did until the bondage tape was removed from his wrists
2. He’s gonna flinch about and give up before it even gets good, claiming that it hurts too much (Alfie used to do it all the time, even when I was being incredibly gentle. Probably because he just wasn’t that interested…)

So I’m hoping neither of those things will happen. I’m hoping instead that it gets him really turned on, I’m hoping that he’ll like it enough to want it more and more until he craves it as much as I do. I know, I’ve got high hopes

Even if he decides he hates being beneath the flogger, I think I’ll be okay. As long as he still likes wielding the flogger, which I think he really does. I would rather live the rest of my life, submitting to a flogger, than not having any connection to BDSM. Even though my ultimate desire is to have someone submitting to me. But minor details, we’ll work that out later.

We also stopped by our local Wal-Mart’s family planning section, where you can get condoms and lubes and the dreaded yeast infection solutions. Even though it’s a small section, they had a pretty good selection of stuff. Flavored lubes, warming lubes, lubes that doubled as moisturizer (which is the only lube I own, and rarely ever use), ribbed condoms, twisted condoms. The one thing I didn’t see was a female condom, though I have no interest in using one of them.

I’m not even really interested in using regular condoms, hence the depo. But The Boyfriend seems to be showing interest in introducing condoms. I think part of it is fear that I’ll get pregnant again, and neither one of us want that anytime soon. We’ve both agreed when all the kids we currently have are in school (at least another 5 years), that we’ll try once more for a girl. But right now, it would just suck! I think the other part of it, is purely just thinking of changing it up, which I think is sweet.

So no participants in WTMFI Wednesdays yet. Hopefully that changes soon. If you have any questions, you’re more than welcome to contact me.

[Via http://rantingsofatorturedmindxxx.wordpress.com]

Aching For Anguish

I confessed my current desparate yearning last night to Heidi.  She agreed to do everything possible to make it happen for me.  I am aching… totally, crazed for this perfect, exquesite pain.  I am circling and circling in my mind, wondering if anything has already begun.  This game is to run from last night to Sunday night… at least.  Come Sunday night, and with fresh agony in my heart and mind, I must soul search. 

I have got to learn to make decisions I can handle the fallout from.  In that interest, I have decided to request nothing, plan nothing that reaches longer than a week ahead.  A week, I feel I can predict and maintain my stamina.  These fantasies, these dark, dark needs… for debilitating humiliation, internal anguish, and a pathetic, forsaken, aching cunt… they are all I can think about.  All I can dream of.  I can’t live without it… haven’t been able to in so long. 

When exactly did I become so lost?  When did my soul die, precisely?  Which time that he cheated on me was it that my mind snapped and I descended into this magnificent, murky abyss?  Which time that he carelessly said he wouldn’t do it again; that he was sorry; that he was irresponsible… then with the manipulative, hypnotizing charm… touching me, making me touch myself, watching me from across the room as I used a vibrator on myself and the tears streamed down my face… and I came screaming in passion and anger and fear and hurt, nearly falling off of the living room couch….

Which time that we acted out this drama while my girlfriend slept late in the morning?  My girlfriend who he had fucked behind my back the night before?  My girlfriend who he fucked so quietly and stealthily while I slumbered next to them?  Sure, he had other affairs.  He cheated on me in other ways. 

But this ritual of the cuckqueaned wife which he used to twist and deconstruct me from a relatively normal human into this pathetic pile of person-flesh that writes this blog…  It was the meanest, most terrible thing he has ever done to me.  And I am GRATEFUL!!! 

I am sitting here with a dripping cunt, a tad short of breath at the mere memories of how I got here, and who I am, and what I am.  The truth is that now I am more sexually charged & satisfied, more emotionally invested, more honest, more open- than I ever was before these shaping experiences. 

So bring on the game, bring on the shocking pain, the twisting knife in my heart, the public and private humiliation, flowing tears and the endless orgasms.  I welcome it all.

[Via http://cuckqueanslavery.wordpress.com]

If you're thinking of pairing up...

These two questions are ones Mummy suggested for submissives to consider before going into a D/s relationship, and even though babykat now already belongs to Mummy, she sees them as useful questions to answer if only for her own benefit…

1. Why do I want to belong to Batling?

Batling isn’t just my sadistic Domme. She’s my best friend, my girlfriend and my hypnotist. We connect on more levels than I ever could have hoped for, and she knows exactly how to read me. Batling has the most addictive, emotive voice and she’s developed hypnosis with me in the most intense way. It feels as if I’ve known her years rather than months, and she’s already mastered pushing my buttons. Hell, she’s created some of my buttons. There’s nobody that has ever made me happier in a vanilla or D/s relationship. She’s the sweetest, wisest and most loving person I know, and she treats me like a human rather just than a playtoy. I want to belong to Batling because she’s my heart’s desire and babykat’s addiction.

2. Things I accept about me.

I am never going to be really skinny, and I like enough about myself to feel confident. Batling loves me the way I am and that really helps. I have a lot to give somebody, both as a submissive and as a friend and girlfriend, and I’m accepting that Batling really does want me completely. I’m not going to be scared about things going wrong with Batling, even though it would break me if something did. I’m not the most experienced submissive, but I know that experience isn’t everything and it’s where your submission comes from that counts. I’m still learning and developing and I shouldn’t compare myself to others because I am my own brand of submissive. Mummy’s created a hypnoslut and I love it.

[Via http://thatbabykat.wordpress.com]

Musings on shame

I’ve been interested in BDSM as long as I can remember. I also have done my share of soul-searching on why it is that I’m turned on by restrains, power play etc. but have never come to any plausible explanation. Sure, I did not have enough boundaries as a child and I was suffering from a lack of parental authority and care, but in my mind these things are not linked to what I do in bed. Moreover, today I think that these questions, put ahead like this, are not only completely irrelevant but also judgemental and deeply harmful. I do not need to offer an explanation on why I’m into BDSM more than I have to explain why I like books over movies, dogs over cats or summer over winter.

However, I do need to cope with feelings of shame of being a submissive party in a setting that involves power, dominance and pain. This, I figure, has all to do with perceived gender roles and their inbuilt hierarchy.

Many unfamiliar to BDSM react to submission as they would to wife beating. I’ve heard good friends of mine, some of them queer, suspect that I’m stepping into conventional gender roles by putting up a submissive part, or that I must be somehow violated in my personality to enjoy being a bottom. I am constantly surprised and taken aback to hear these statements. Is their so-called queer understanding about sex illicit of power, subversion, imagination, trust, play? Do they not see the intimacy and huge spectre of emotions that can be approached with BDSM?

Be it as it may, these statements encourage inbuilt shame about myself. I know fully well that being a submissive is at least as active a role as top. But our gendered stereotypes of woman-action and man-action keep telling me that I’m less worthy because I put up a submissive role traditionally reserved for women. Active is masculine, passive is feminine, and although I feel no way passive in my sub role, I am constantly aware that it looks like it from the outset, and it bothers my sense of self while playing.

I suppose shame can be beaten by getting to know myself better sexually, by playing more, by realising my inner strength that is visible in other areas of my life and that forms the core of my submission, and maybe by replacing few friends with a little more understanding bunch of people.

And, of course, directing feelings of shame to my use and finding their potential in play.

[Via http://runeofaqueerlife.wordpress.com]

Spanking Good Time

Have you been bad? Very bad?? Very, very bad!!? Then you know what we have to do with you! You must be spanked…! If that’s your thing, here are a few Flickr groups that may give you a tantalizing pain in the ass…

Photo by freeparking, subject to a creative commons license.

OTK (Over the Knee) Spanking — Auntie Spanks Naughty Girls – Naughty Little Boys Spanked by Strict Women — Like to be Spanked

[Via http://cliffmichaels.wordpress.com]

An idea whose time has come

I saw Alice in Wonderland last night with Special K in 3D, and, though we both agree that the 3D felt tacked on and in no way enhanced the look of the film (we think Disney saw how successful 3D was getting and crammed it down Burton’s throat so he did the bare minimum required to satisfy them while still maintaining his vision), it did remind me of this badassical photography project I had to share!

Bust out them red ‘n’ blues.

Breasts … in … stereoscope!*

*(Please read that in the “Pigs in Space” voice.)

Anaglyph images are used to provide a stereoscopic 3D effect, when viewed with 2 color glasses (each lens a chromatically opposite color, usually red and cyan). Images are made up of two color layers, superimposed, but offset with respect to each other to produce a depth effect. (the wiki)

This project, called 3DD, is something I saved on my computer before a crash. I lost all the credits. Someone please help, because I feel awful about losing my bookmark of the artist, and my google searches are just turning up useless nonsense about Lindsay Lohan (?) and digital porn.

Hey. Nice bongos.

Usually the main subject is in the center, while the foreground and background are shifted laterally in opposite directions. The picture contains two differently filtered colored images, one for each eye. (Ibid.)

When viewed through the “color coded” “anaglyph glasses”, they reveal an integrated stereoscopic image. The visual cortex of the brain fuses this into perception of a three dimensional scene or composition. (Ibid.)

Cool, yes?!

Final thought. Dig that jar in her hand in the above shot: “Kitchen Blend” of sprinkles. As though there are rooms or situations which would call for not only sprinkles, but a different blend altogether of sprinkles. Sprinkles appropriate to the locale. “Prison Yard Blend.” “Airport Bathroom Blend.” “Shallow Grave in the Wilderness Blend.” Don’t you hate it when you are digging a shallow grave in the wilderness and you realize you accidentally brought your Kitchen Blend of sprinkles? Like, Crap, this night just went in the toilet. Dang it — I brought the wrong sprinkles. Bummer City.

[Via http://thethoughtexperiment.wordpress.com]

Fetish model Asian DragonLilly

Fetish model DragonLily says she likes bondage at home, but like so many girls that come through the studio she finds it easier to gain satisfaction at a shoot. She certainly gets what she came for.

Hard foot caning, pussy flogging, nipple torture. Just a few of the torments DragonLily suffers until we let her come. However when we make her cum, we don’t stop. We just don’t stop, we make her cum until she is gone. Subspace. Then we make her cum more, we make her cum over and over until it looks like she is almost unconscious, then we make her cum more.

[Via http://fetishmodels.wordpress.com]