I have come to believe that wounded women give off some sort of pheromone. Depending on the kind of man who is around, they have the need to possess, protect or finish off the woman in question. Call it a deep reptile brain function of the human race. I have been dancing around the concept for a time, but yesterday really brought it home to me.
As you know, I had my surgery yesterday. Things went relatively well, but I was wasted, tired, pale, no make up, etc. I am not a particularly beautiful woman. Certainly I have my good features and I know how to accentuate those, but yesterday in my big gray sweater and plain black jeans, I was not at my best. In three separate instances, for three different men, that didn’t matter. I’m telling you, men know a wounded woman.
Man #1: Right after they let me go, I went downtown to drop off some paperwork for various licenses I hold. Downtown Denver is not particularly a dangerous place if you know how to handle yourself. During the day it is predominantly run by the upper middle class yuppies running back and forth to business meetings and three martini lunches. There is, if you know how to look, always a steamy underbelly of things below the surface, prostitutes, junkies and the mentally ill homeless man at the end of the block. For the most part, if you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you.
While I was walking to the office to drop off my paperwork, a man watched me all the way from my car to the building. I was moving briskly with purpose as I often do down there and he said nothing on my way in, just watched. On my way back to my car, he was speaking with several women. Pimp, I thought to myself, but generally ignored them. When I exited the building, he stopped talking and watched me again. Just before I reached them he did the customary “hey baby.” I nodded politely but kept moving. Pimp man fell into step with me as I walked by and started up a conversation. The long and short of it was this… he wanted to branch out into the “upper class money” and was looking for women who fit the bill. He handed me his number and told me to think about it.
Who knows… maybe I looked like a junkie in need of a fix, or maybe he figured it was worth a shot. Either way he was my example of a predatory man who sees a wounded woman and believes he can finish her off.
Man #2: Several hours later I was standing in the driveway of craigslist guy, waiting to load a chair into the back of my borrowed truck. I’m strong for a woman and I don’t typically worry about going to someones house, but I do always let someone know exactly where I will be. Call it my ‘if I fall of the planet start here’ reflex. I wasn’t concerned, but it is always prudent to have your bases covered.
I went to the door and he let me right in to see the chair. It was perfect for what I needed and I thanked him. He stood at the top of the stairs, effectively blocking the way and asked how I was going to thank him, since he was giving it to me for free after all. *sigh* really? I started with the standard thank you but I am married speech, but that didn’t seem to matter to him. He backed me against the wall of the living room, his hands propped against the wall above my shoulders in the standard ‘pin you in you helpless woman’ move. Again *sigh* really?
I launched into the ‘”oh I’d love to but” portion of our conversation. It didn’t take much description of my surgery for him to move back. By the time I was done he’d loaded the chair into the truck for me and was looking rather pale. Something about the details of lasers going off in my uterus that threw him off I think. He also gave me his number and told me to call when I was feeling better. Not perfect, but he is my example of a predatory man who sees a wounded woman and wishes to possess her.
In these first two instances, men like this are easily handled. I find that all it takes is calling them on their preconceived notions of vulnerability and they tend to become confused. This is not the case with intelligent men mind you, but those won’t be the ones you find approaching you on the street or blocking you in. No, intelligent men have far better ways of turning the tide, twisting you into knots of desire and raw edges nerves.
Man #3: I have a special place in my heart for men who are sweet, protective, caring. I find lots of this kind of man in military service, the police force, firemen. I find that the majority of dominant men are also this way. Certainly there are dominant men out there who are jerks, the ones who want to control women because they are angry, petty men. In general, truly dominant men are that way because they cherish women, want to protect us, sometimes even from ourselves.
After I dropped off my husband at the park and ride to get his car, I realized I desperately needed gas. I stopped and, having cash, went in to pay. It is freakishly cold outside these days and when I went inside, I was shivering. The man behind the counter made a comment about living in one of the coldest states in the union. I mentioned living in Alaska for a time and a conversation was born. Apparently he’d also lived in Alaska at Fort Wainwright and we discussed the virtues of cold weather living.
Things progressed as conversations are want to do and he paused for a moment. He said I looked like I needed a drink and asked if I’d had a bad day. I thanked him for the conversation, but replied that I was a married lady. He smiled then and said that bearing that in mind, it would be rather inappropriate for him to give me his number, much less ask me out for a drink.
Here we find my example of a sweetly dominant man who wishes to protect the women he finds in need. The easy thing about this type of man is that they tend to be very respectful and sweet. He didn’t push the issue, but did say that if I ever found myself in need of gasoline again, that he’d be around. We smiled at each other and off I went.
Here’s the thing. All of these men were in their mid to late 20’s and attractive. Granted, I’d never touch the first two, but knowing men find me attractive is an unusual place for me to find myself. Pheromones are my explanation, or some animalistic sense men have about the women around them. I don’t even think it is a conscious thing for most of them, but a deeply ingrained need to possess, protect or destroy.
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